Day 21

It feels like time is moving at a bizarre speed, and there's no way to keep track of what day of the week it is anymore. 

 

I do more than this.  I swear.

Perpetual Saturday. 

This isn't to say I'm not keeping busy.  Au contraire, mon frere!  My days are full of amazing things!  

Just this week, the dentist was blessed with my appearance due to what was a little nubbly bump under my tongue.  

can you see it?  ITSRIGHTTHERE

It didn't hurt, but the fear was it could be a blocked salivary gland (though, my hand to god, I almost explained to my dentist that I thought it was an "impacted anal gland").  Goodie!  So, an oral surgeon had to take care of it which meant novacane.  Right afterwards I zoomed over to have lunch with friends on their lunch break, where I'm pretty sure I drooled the entire time due to not having control over my lower mouth.

Throughout this whole process I don't know if I would've been able to hold it together if it weren't for the people in my life.  Everyone has kept in touch with me.  A lot of people have gone out of their way to help me find a new path in life.  And it means a lot. 

So when the opportunity arises to go out and do something with these amazing people, I jump the chance unless the stars are misaligned or it feels like my tongue's about to fall off.  Which it felt like the other day, but that was only because the novacane had worn off.

With all this spare time?  Evenings, or weekends, or midday has been a whirlwind of

ART DAAAAY

"Is this movie in 3D?"  "Nope, it's as one-dimensional as it's always been"

more pints, please.

Due to my special personality, I require lots of alone time to make up for all the together time.  But hey, when I finally get home and it's time to unwind...

Day 14

In the last several days, my desire/will to work on my resume and portfolio have bounced all across the board. 

Okay.  Hm.  Let's do this.  Right, here we go.  Beep Boop.

Inspiraaaation.  Where aaaaare youuuuu.

WHEEEEEE

Nono, no this isn't worki-wait.  yes.  Yesss.

I made THAT? 

I made that!

hiremehiremehiremehiremehiremehireme

Ever feel like showing off your work in order to get hired is just never going to be done? Because a portfolio is always going to be a work in progress.  ALWAYS, YOU GUYS.

The feelings of extremes when looking at my work is tiring, but it needs to be done.  Everything should be scrutinized in a whole different way.  I need to remember that not every company is going to like my kind of work, and that's a-ok because I know that we'd need to mesh!

It's a symbiotic relationship.  A bro fist.  The highest of fives.  A hip bump!  But in a professional manner. 

Until that magical union is made...

Day 6

A wise person once told me "searching for a new job is like a full time job."

In order not to fall behind, or screw up my sleep schedule, or just waste away into nothingness watching Duck Dynasty marathons, I decided to start a regiment.

7:30 am   wake up

8:00 am   see Steven off to work

8:30 am    drive to the gym

The gym is blissfully empty at this time of the morning.  Everyone who hoped to get their sweat-on before work has left.  Everyone who attempts to burn calories instead of eating lunch isn't here yet.  I get the pick of any machine I want!

Elliptical expectations:

I AM A JAEGER PILOT RAAAAAAAA

Elliptical realities:

Once home, a shower, some nosh, and then couch + fan.  Because it's really REALLY HOT.  This heat, that causes my body to be inactive and my spirit to wilt - it is unacceptable.  No, there is no air conditioning save for some fans and a little mini cold air vent thing that only works in the bedroom.  This little mini cold air vent thing, however, does not get run often because, well, the electric bill would make me homeless.

So, I faint dramatically on the couch until after lunch.  This time, this thinking time, I use to figure out what in the world I want to do with my life.  Steven has a stable job here in our city, and as I've been made aware my industry is a little more fickle with job security.  So what do I do?

Do I attempt to find work here, where the studios are closing all too frequently?  Do I try and find something elsewhere, far away, where I'd drag my poor fiance and then possibly get laid off again in a few years all the meanwhile he's then scrambling to find work?  Or do I fall back on my other degree, and attempt to get a government job sampling carbon and pretend to be happy all the while I'm wasting away on the inside but fulfilled in that my life is stable?  Could I make money doing freelance art and writing so we could stay here?

This is what I think about.  And I get frustrated. 

My resume gets poked at, the job prospects evaluated, my portfolio gets the much-needed polishing it deserved ages ago, and the "what ifs" keep coming.  All day.  Looking for a job is a full time job, and that is no joke. 

But then, the much needed mental break at 6:00 pm

Steven comes home <3

Day 5

I hadn't left the condo since Day 2.  I'd been subsisting on take-out and demands that were yelled as Steven went to his car every day.

So when my fiance gave me an ultimatum (which, to be fair, I don't know if he would have gone through with, but I didn't feel like challenging him) of "either come with me to the grocery store, or you don't get any snacks", I reluctantly rolled around in some clean laundry.

A grocery list was made.  Reluctantly.  Trying to think of healthier things to eat during the week instead of inhaling Wings N Things, or pizza hour after hour (ugh, the idea right now is giving me heartburn already).  Because, let's face it.  When you're not at your best and feelin' down, who wants carrot sticks?!


Off to the supermarket we went.  The supermarket, however, is outside.  Of course it is.  In order to get to all that vast amount of food, I'd need to see sunlight.

IT BUUUURNNNS.

After groping blindly to the car, we were off.  And I was doing okay!  As added incentive, Steven also said we should stop off at Comickaze and pick up something new for me to read.  After getting several dozen new comic recommendations from friends (Locke & Key! Runaways! Sandman! Everythiiiiing!), I figured whatever art style appealed to me most at the moment would come home with me.

... nothing came home with me. 

This is not for lack of trying.  I really really did want something to speak out, grab me by the eyballs and say "LOOK AT ME!  READ ME! DEVOUR ME!" and any time I thought I might have found one:

aw hell no.  i can't even afford to touch these, man!

No really, stop laughing.  Usually I give myself an entertainment budget of sorts, but with no new income traipsing into my bank account I have to be extra frugal.  Wary of prices.  Even if it is something I know will make me happy.  On top of that, all the comics I had picked out didn't seem to include Volume 1.   Comic-blocked.  Steven offered to pay, to come back later and check if what I wanted had come in yet - and that's sweet of him.  Still, the need for instant gratification, leaving a store with something you desire in your hot little hands, that's kind of what I needed.  And I couldn't have it.
So, instead of stuffing myself with wondrous stories and beautiful intriguing artwork...

Paris Baguette now has "escort off property" written under my picture in their store.

 

soooo fresh, healthy food acquired.  You know, for when I'm home alone in the next day or so.  But right now?